News Trend Seth And Grace|Actual

"Everybody has losses - it's unavoidable in life. Sharing our pain is very healing." -Isabel Allende

"I want to take all that pain that I feel and celebrate and turn it around." -Stevie Wonder

* * * * *

Sometimes, I write stories about hope and light and joy.

Sometimes, I write about pain.

Pain is an important part of life.

It teaches us,

It changes us,

It turns our hearts inside out.

It makes us new.

We often to try to avoid pain, but we can't. Sooner or later, we meet it face to face and have to deal with it.

And the best way to deal with pain is to share it. Because when we share pain with one another, we lessen its burden.

Now, this sharing must be done with thoughtfulness, with sensitivity, with tact. When I share painful stories, it is always my intent to protect those who are suffering, to tell their stories in a way that respects their struggle and raises them up.

Because when we tell them properly, our shared stories of pain can be transformed into stories of hope and light and joy.

* * * * *

A young man lost his life last week.

That alone is enough to break my heart.

The investigators ruled it a double suicide - his girlfriend died too. We can blame their deaths on guns and depression and young minds clouded by drugs, and that is not wrong.

But the truth is that my young friend was killed by bad choices.

Now let me be clear: my friend's life wasn't a train wreck. Far from it. He was as happy and funny and kind and loving a person as you can imagine. Hardworking and outdoorsy, he loved to fix up old cars and play with his nieces and nephews. He had a deep mind and a powerful faith. He had a family who loved and looked out for him.

But all these wonderful things were not enough to save my friend from his bad choices.

So this is the challenge that faces all who cared about this young man: we will continue to love him for the beautiful person he was, and at the same time, we must learn from the ugly reality of his bad choices.

His younger sister brought those conflicting drives into perfect balance and clarity in her words at his  memorial.

"My name is Grace, and I am Seth's only younger sibling of two years. Seth was always cool and popular and all my friends had crushes on him, but Seth was also sensitive and kind in the way that he never made me feel left out. Being the youngest of 10, we got each other in a way that only we understood, with inside jokes or a simple glance to know what each other is thinking. It was always me laughing at his witty sense of humor and impersonations, us staying up late goofing off in our shared bedroom. It was always us two together. We experienced a lot growing up through siblings getting married and moving away and our parents getting back together. He was the ring bearer and I was the flower girl in our own parents' wedding. Seth was really smart too. I wish he was told that more often. He had a lot of potential.

"And I want it to be made clear that Seth was so much more than the circumstances in which he ended his life. I want you to know that Seth died because of drugs. Death took Seth in a state of darkness that was not his own. Seth was full of life. He was funny and caring and genuine. And his life was cut short because of the choices he made. And I want it to be clear that each one of you has so much power in the choices you make.

"So if you are a parent, please pay attention. Give your children opportunities to flourish. Give them tools to succeed and help them to see their own potential. If you are a teacher, tell you students often that they are remarkable, especially the ones who are struggling, because they need it most. And all of us can learn to listen more intently, to be aware, and to be more intentional in preventing circumstances like this, to lessen gun violence and educate ourselves on substance abuse.

"Seth had a lot of great qualities that made him who he was. So honor his good qualities and his true and kind-hearted character, not his choices. Don't honor Seth by wasting your life. Honor him by working hard like he was. Honor him by getting an education or a job  or new friends that build you up rather than drag you into darkness. Honor him by going home and loving your family. Honor Seth by being like him at his true self, by being kind and befriending the underdog and speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves, and honor him by making the choices he should have made. Each one of you has a purpose to live out. You all have remarkable purpose like Seth did. And you have the opportunity to live it out differently. There is a lot of power in that.

"I'm so proud to have been Seth's sister. I love him endlessly. I'll always remember him as my big brother and I hope I can be like him someday. I love you, Seth."

* * * * *

It is my prayer and hope and fervent wish that we can learn from these beautiful words,

that we can be better parents and teachers and friends,

that we can encourage each other to make better choices,

that we can help each other stay alive.

So thank you, Grace, for telling us exactly what we need to learn from the senseless tragedy of your sweet brother's life.

And thank you, Seth, for leading us with your light.

All photos from Seth's Facebook.

News Trend Reading Children's Books|Actual

My reading tastes run deep and wide, but so far this year, eight of the nine books I've read are children's books.

Well. Young adult novels, anyway. Focused on children in their teens who are stumbling their way toward adulthood. A unique genre within the overall category of children's literature, to be sure, but nonetheless children's books

But why do I read so many children's books?

Fair question. But let's back up another step and ask, what makes a book a children's book?

According to my hero, Madeleine Ldanquot;Engle, a children's book is any book that appeals to children.

Well. I happen to know for a fact that is false. Because when I was quite an innocent young thing, less than ten years old, I found a book on my mother's private bookshelf that began with a detailed description of a row of tiny buttons on a woman's nightgown and how they were oh, so slowly unbuttoned, one by one, and I knew for a certain fact that this book was not meant for me but boy, oh boy, how those words lured me in.

So, sorry dear Madeline, but we must toss your definition aside.

I submit that a children's book is one that tells something of what it is like to be a child.

And this is exactly why I love to read children's books.

They remind me of who I used to be.

They show me how far I have come.

They stir up the child me that lives inside the adult me

They make me feel more complete and alive.

Not only do these five books remind me what it's like to be a teen caught up in the first throes of self-discovery, but they also deliver on tense and intricate plot lines, cleverly crafted characters, and gorgeous settings around the world. I recommend them for humans of all ages.

* * * * *

Many Waters by Madeleine L'Engle

Now that Meg Murry and her much younger brother, Charles Wallace, have had three lovely time-travel adventures to themselves, their in-between twin brothers now get a turn. The pale-skinned teens fiddle with their scientist father's newfangled computer and inadvertently send themselves to a desert of unknown time or place. Sunburns kick off a crazy set of coincidences that ultimately reveal their unique place in history, and an ending is just oh, so satisfying.

The Arm Of the Starfish by Madeleine L'Engle

Let's skip ahead a generation. Meg has married high school hottie and fellow time traveler, Calvin, and they now have a brood of children running around their home-sweet-scientific-research-post on a remote island off Portugal. When American college boy, Adam, hops the pond to do research with Calvin for the summer, he gets caught up in an international ring of bad guys (and one very bad girl) who want to steal Calvin's research for their own deliciously evil purposes. Also involves swimming with dolphins and riding horses on wild beaches.

Dragons In The Waters by Madeleine L'Engle

This time, Meg and Calvin's eldest daughter, Poly, plays the lead as she and her father innocently embark on a Caribbean cruise intending to do some scientific research, but get caught up in an intrigue involving an orphan boy, his just-crawled-out-of-the-woodwork uncle, a tribe of native people mostly untouched by modern society, murder, intrigue, kidnapping, and a missing portrait of Simon Bolivar. The ending is surprising and satisfying. As characters from L'Engles' other novels pop up here and there in this and other stories, the feeling is one of huge cocktail party where you never know who you might meet...Or meet again.

A House Like A Lotus by Madeleine L'Engle

Awkward little Poly has become mostly mature Polly, who at age seventeen is taking a solo trip to Greece. In the first half of the book, she sightsees in Athens with a flirtatious American beau; in the second half, she works as a gofer at a literary conference in a secluded Cyprus village and lives in the world of thoughtful adults. Throughout the adventure, she flashes back and tries to make sense of confusing aspects of her growing up.

An Acceptable Time by Madeleine L'Engle

After her adventures in Greece, Polly has been whisked up to New England to spend the year homeschooling with her brilliant scientist grandparents. Not only does this lead to re-encounters with the American beau from Athens, but she also stumbles upon a time portal, apparently similar to the one her...Ummm, let's see, he would be her uncle Charles Wallace used in A Swiftly Tilting Planet. Hijinx with Native Americans ensue - some friendly, some not - and Polly, like every L'Engle heroine, must make the best of some tough choices.

* * * * *

Read more about what I've been reading:

Reading Afternoons

Reading Mornings

Reading Children's Books

Reading Memories

Reading Recommendations

Reading Inspiration

Reading Insights

Reading At The Pool

Reading About The Desert

Reading On Repeat

Reading Natalie Babbit

Reading The Truth

Reading Books That Are Blue

Reading Mysteries

Reading About Walking

News Trend What Joanna Taught Me |Actual

"Grief changes shape, but it never ends." -Keanu Reeves

"People in grief need someone to walk with them without judging them". -Gail Sheehy

It was on a sunny January afternoon last year near their home in Michigan's Upper Peninsula that my friend Joanna's parents were out cross country skiing. They were happily swooshing along through the magical winter wonderland when in an instant, Joanna's father dropped dead into the snow.

In that same instant, Joanna's life was painfully, unpredictably and irrevocably changed.

Her father was gone. Snapped away in an instant and sent straight to heaven, no doubt.

And what was left behind to fill his enormous place in her life and in her heart was grief.

I'm not talking about "Take a few days off till after the funeral and here's an extra box of tissues tut tut you know he loved you dearly" type grief.

What Joanna experienced was a kind of grief that overwhelmed her mind, shattered her heart, and seared her very soul.

Some days she wept endlessly..

Some days she experienced physical pain and exhaustion

And despite her profound passion for running her own care-giving business, some days she simply could not bring herself to get out of bed and go to work.

Joanna grieved deeply.

And this was not some two-week crying binge. As the days rolled into weeks and months, this grief settled into Joanna's life, some days allowing her to function almost normally and other days drowning her in a sea of sorrow.

To be sure, Joanna received lots of support from family and friends. Her husband and young daughter especially loved her and cared for her and accepted her intense grieving without question.  Joanna's faith was strong and she knew God loved and cared for her dad and for her too.

But the grief did not let up.

Hungry for understanding, Joanna decided to learn more about grief. Digging into the internet, she read and shared and shared and read. I eagerly pored over her posts, and the message I took from them sounded like this.

Grief is brutal.

It's okay to not be okay.

Take care of yourself.

Joanna found comfort in those ideas, and they helped her cope.

* * * * *

Now, here comes the interesting coincidence.

A few years earlier, Joanna and her staff had cared for my mother during a crucial season in my mother's battle with Lewy Body Dementia. During that time, Joanna helped me to find new insights into my mother's illness and taught me how to walk alongside her with peace and calm.

Joanna played a key role in helping me find the gifts of my mom's deterioration, and with her guidance, I found much light and love in the midst of that terrible disease. And now with her dad passing just three months after my mom, Joanna was opening my heart and mind to a new understanding of grief.

But here was my struggle.

My grief was nothing like Joanna's grief.

Rather than crashing waves of overwhelming emotion and physical pain, my grief was the tiniest of ripples on a small, still pond.

Rather than disrupting my daily work routines and dropping me into an exhausted heap of tears, my grief was a quiet hum that kept me quietly going about my business.

Rather than aching from the absence of my mom, my grief was lit with thanksgiving and relief that her long ordeal was over.

Rather than longing to take care of myself, my grief was soothed when I took care of others first.

All of this was extremely different from what I'd been learning about grief. And I could not help but think I was doing something wrong.

I worried that I was in denial about my grief.

I worried that I didn't have any grief.

So I scrolled through Joanna's posts again and again, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. In time, a subtly different message emerged:

Grief can be brutal...or it can be gentle.

It's okay to not be okay...but it's okay to be okay too.

Take care of yourself...whatever that means to you.

And now I was able to cope.

* * * * *

What I understand now is that grief is as individual as a fingerprint.

Grief can be a raging storm or a single raindrop, or anything in between.

Grief can be a howling wind that turns you upside down and inside out or a quiet whisper, or anything in between.

Grief can turn you inside yourself and slam shut all the windows and doors or it can move you out into the world with your arms open wide, or anything in between.

* * * * *

What Joanna taught me about grief is that there is no one way to grieve, there is no wrong way to grieve.

All that matters is that we open our hearts and minds to our grief and let it have its way with us, so that we can learn and grow from our loss.

News Trend March For Our Lives|Actual

This was my favorite poster. WAKE UP, AMERICA.

Today I walked in the Seattle edition of the national Parkland student-led March For Our Lives.

Though my early childhood was colored by civil rights marches and Vietnam war demonstrations, this was my very own first formal peaceful protest. Bucket list checked, for sure.

And while I found the emotion and community spirit of the experience to be deeply moving, I wasn't at all surprised by that. This is Seattle, for heaven's sake, where personal expression and social compassion are our stock and trade, where democracy is freely exercised and lovely manners prevail.

I smiled as the crowd broke into unrestrained applause as we passed police officers protecting us from traffic at major intersections; I grinned and waved as the monorail train drove by overhead, the friendly horn tooting to greet us as we marched along underneath.

Establishing commonsense gun control laws is an idea whose time has come. The Parkland students have mobilized themselves, their fellow students, and a goodly percentage of the American people to stand up and absolutely demand that our lawmakers address this issue. And I believe that with the power of today's national demonstration, we have achieved a tipping point. It's simply a matter of time before officials who resist change are voted out. And with forward-thinking businesses stepping up to invoke their own commonsense policies around gun sales - I'm looking at you, Walmart, Dick's Sporting Goods, and Fred Meyer - the tides are already turning.

Which leads me to consider the next facet of gun violence - one that is very real and very personal for me - that I hope our national conversation may soon be ready to address.

Consider Emma Gonzalez's words today, at the front of her profound address at the Washington DC protest:

"Everyone who has been touched by the cold grip of gun violence understands."

If you haven't seen the full video of Emma's six and a half-minute speech,

check it out. You will be moved.

My guess is that Emma was thinking about the people who stand on the receiving end of the bullets:

those killed or injured,

those traumatized from witnessing and watching,

their families and friends,

their communities,

those who worry that they might be next.

And yes, those people hold a special bond of fear and powerlessness and horror that the rest of us can only begin to imagine. I honor and respect what they suffer.

But with her words, Emma spoke a deeper, more powerful truth than she may have realized.

Someday, we need to expand our conversation to consider those who pull the trigger.

Because despite all the ugly talk about monsters and terrorists and deranged social misfits, the shooters are human beings. The cold grip of gun violence destroys their lives too, as well as the lives of their friends, families, and loved ones.

I look forward to the day that our culture develops a clearer understanding of the horrific power guns have over everyone involved in these shootings, and we learn to embrace the fact that gun violence is always a two-sided tragedy.

News Trend Making Friends|Actual

Even when we are back at home, Gracie is always on the lookout for someone new to meet.

Snapping out of a daydream in the midst of our walk, I suddenly realized that Gracie had rounded the corner ahead of me and was heading into the busy high school drop-off and pick-up area on her long, long leash.

Quickly I stepped to my right to improve my sight line around the corner, and breathed a sigh of relief. The sidewalk was empty. Yet Gracie was standing stock still, all alone in the middle of the waiting area, staring at a lamp post and ever so gently wagging her tail.

Hmm,.That was a little weird.

As I came closer, I realized I was missing a key bit of information. Standing on the far side of the lamp post, hidden till now from my view, was an older teenage boy. He was slim as a wisp, though even from a distance I could tell he was obviously more mature that the typical harmlessly rowdy mid-teen; he had the sullen sulk of a full-on 18 year old senior. Dressed in black from head to toe, he wore a heavy puffer jacket on a warm spring day. His hood was pulled up and his face shrouded in shadows; he topped off the look with a pair of dark glasses. He leaned slack against the lamp pole, looking just as withdrawn and antisocial as an angsty teen can possibly look.

And there stood my big red shaggy dog, right up in this bad boy's bubble, calmly gazing at him in obvious delight and wagging that cheerful red tail.

I scurried up, looping up the extra length of rope as I prepared to apologize. But before I could speak, the young man broke the silence.

His clear tenor voice sparkled with delight. "I saw your dog come around the corner on that long rope but I didn't see you at the other end. I thought she was all alone. She's so nice."

Well.

Gracie continued to stand and wag, close enough for him to reach out and pet her, though he did not.

"Thanks," I said. "You caught me by surprise."

He smiled. Then I smiled.

And Gracie gave him one last friendly glance, then turned and headed off down the sidewalk, in search of her next new friend.

News Trend Self-Care|Actual

Also I do not skimp on soaking up the spring blossoms.

Take care of yourself with that Bell's palsy, they tell me.

Honestly, I don't really know what that means.

But here's something I do know. With a paralyzed face, I have to move slowly in the shower.

I make sure the shampoo doesn't drip into the corner of that unblinking eye. Slowly, carefully I run a warm washcloth over the cheeks and brow with my untrained left hand as my right hand holds the left eye closed. I move gently and carefully so as not to flick water into an eye that doesn't know how to protect itself.

After the water stops, my newfound patient and slow rituals continue. I towel carefully around my unblinking eye, gently pat down my unmoving face, brush hair and teeth gently, carefully slip fresh clothes on.

In a final concession to my palsied condition, I pull back my hair into a low and soaking wet ponytail, then slip my black pirate eye patch into place. It?S a visually jarring addition to my peaceful routine but I've come to love that patch. My eye is well protected.. I feel safe for the night.

I slip into my bed. The room is dark and very chilly. I tuck my legs up against my faithful dog who snores sleepily from her nest at the foot of the bed. She has already warmed my comforter. My husband is long since asleep. I lay my neat wet head on the pillow, tuck my hands under my cheek, and feel the cool breezes blow across my shoulders.

I consider pressing play on my current audio book but decide to skip it. Everything is perfect peace right now and I hate to disturb it. I take a long last sip of ice water, relishing every delicious drop.  I know that I will wake up many times in the night, thirst crazed by my medications, and drink ravenously, but for now, this sip is perfect.

Now I am ready to sleep. .

And while I can't be sure, I think I have taken good care of myself.

* * * * *

Here are all the stories about my Bell's Palsy, in order from start to, hopefully, finish:

Bell's Palsy

Self-Care

Six Weeks In

Done With Bell's Palsy

News Trend Bell's Palsy|Actual

Happily, in spite of Bell's palsy, spring goes rolling along and so do I.

Woke up Monday morning drooling on my pillow.

Never a good start to a day.

Brushed my teeth and drooled some more.

Something is definitely wrong.

Looked in the mirror.

My face was, for lack of a better word, crooked.

Unsymmetrical, puffy and misshapen

Eyes twitching, mouth carved into a sneer.

What in the heck is going on?

Twenty-four hours later, I had some answers.

Bell's palsy

Temporary paralysis on one side of my face.

Facial nerves from chin to forehead are inflamed and irritated, and completely shut down.

Caused by close association with invasive viruses, such as chicken pox, shingles or herpes.

But I have had none of that.

A disease that is not common but not terribly rare.

Taking steroids to heal the nerves and wipe out any intrusive virus.

Biggest risk is to my eye that cannot close - call in the artificial tears and eye patches

This should all be over in a week to ten days.

Bell's palsy.

Well. Isn't life full of interesting little surprises.

* * * * *

Here are all the stories about my Bell's Palsy, in order from start to, hopefully, finish:

Bell's Palsy

Self-Care

Six Weeks In

Done With Bell's Palsy