this helicopter tour and fly over
the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses. Remember, we're just two
ordinary American tourists looking at the sights. Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect
anything.
It's a great plan, pointy. Don't do anything
to arouse any suspicions. Don't worry.
I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win four
Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Yes, you do,
because you gave them to yourself! My performance in
Aladeen Jones and the Temple ofDoom was outstanding. Have you seen
You've Got Mail Bomb? Yes, I've seen them all!
They're all terrible movies! Listen to me. Okay? You are a terrible actor. I urge you, right now,
keep your performance small and real.
All right, can you
get me a cloak?
20
00:00:58,322 --> 00:00:61,073
Why? Because I think
my guy would be wearing a cloak. No, your guy wears an American flag
sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge. I need the sheriff's badge. For what? You're sheriff
of American douche-town! That's rude.
Listen. We're going to walk over
there, act very inconspicuous. - Okay. No problem.
- This has to work.
Don't worry.
Just relax. Are you okay? My guy has a limp. I fell off me horse
at the old Bull & Bush Pub because
I am a cockney.
35
00:01:293,603 --> 00:01:30,769
Listen! Listen, okay? You need to focus up right now
and be prepared to deliver a small,
subtle performance. - Okay, great, okay.
- Okay, good.
Okay. So, when
we go to fly... Don't do that
with your eyes! You can't be
a Chinese person on this thing, okay? I'm not chink,
I'm Chinese-American! No, but you cannot
hold your eyes! Nobody is going to think
you're Chinese-American because you hold
your eyes like that! It's racist,
what you are doing! Do you know it's a fact
that they cannot pronounce their R's? They pronounce them
as L's. So instead you know
what "rabbit" is in Chinese? I don't know
how to speak Chinese.
- It's "labbit."
- It's not "labbit"! Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit
was a huge hit in China! Nobody...
It's stup... All right, I don't care.
This is stupid, okay? Okay, I'll do Filipino.
I like to work, I like to talk. - Don't.
- I like the shit, I do the kids. Stop that.
Your Filipino
is the same as your Chinese! Now who's being a lacist? - You're being lacist now.
- I'm not being racist! Right now we have to
get on this helicopter and we have to act
like true Americans. I guess you don't want me
to play black then. I see what you're doing,
it's not cool. Of course I don't want you
to play black.
Okay. Just throwing it
out there. Okay. Don't.
Okay, don't do that. - I see what you're doing.
- That's how they walk. It's how they walk. I love being
an Americans! America is number one! Oh, I am from U.S.A.! My father also
from U.S.A.
My great-grandfather fought
in the American Civil Jihad. I am very proud
to be an American. I am America's
number one douche. I've fooled them.
Job done. So, how are things back at the Palace? Fine, but guess
who's still living in my guest house? Ooh, Bin Laden? Yes, Osama. Bin Laden flooding the bathroom
every time he showers... And how hard is it to put a bath mat
down, Bin Laden? Hey, do you remember
my favorite sports car? You mean your Porsche? Yes...
The 911. 911, It's the best! So I was driving my 911 near the
palace one day... And I totally crashed! It's ok, I've already ordered a new one. A brand new 9112012.
You know, while you are here, you
should try to see some of the sights... Such as the Empire State Building... And Yankee Stadium. And I'd love to see the fireworks
over the Statue of Liberty.
Hey, have your old back problems been
bothering you? Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that
I made myself a back brace. - Really?
- Yes, look, I'm still wearing it. Hey, my English is getting good... ...I bet I can count down from five
faster than you can! Five, four,
three, two, one!.
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