News Trend My Newfound Brother|Actual

"The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as

the man with no secrets to keep." -E.W.Howe

During the past two and a half years, I've imagined many times the moment when I would first meet my newfound brother face to face. Never once did I dream that we'd be standing in the parking lot of his local urgent care offices, with me nursing a battered shoulder and sporting one of my husband's plaid flannel shirts.

But that is exactly the way it happened. Go figure.

Halfway through my meal, I leaned back in my chair, took a deep breath, and looked round me.

It was a busy night in the Michigan pizza shop, lots of large groups gathered around cobbled combinations of shoved-together tables, laughing and talking and eating in happy community.

Our group was no exception. The nine of us circled round together, inhaling pizza, chattering in animated, overlapping conversations, as comfortable people often do. We spanned quite a few decades in age but that didn't seem to matter, grins flashed across the table in all directions as the banter rolled on. Then my attention turned to the person seated at my right.

My brother, Jeff, whom I was meeting for the very first time.

To be fair, we've been talking by phone for several years now. When my father died in late 2016, I learned for the first time of this brother from another mother, a secret my father had successfully carried to his grave. But Jeff had tracked down our shared father several years earlier, and therefore knew of me. Sworn to secrecy, he'd waited patiently until the day just after Christmas in 2016. When he answered his phone to hear me say, "Hi, well, I guess I'm your sister."

We've been talking ever since.

It's an awkward thing, one might think, to discover an unknown sibling.

To face the undeniable reality of your' father's infidelity, lies, and secret-keeping.

To work through the deep emotions that stir up when our identity is rearranged.

To lay all the distance aside and begin a relationship that has gone missing for years.

But the truth it that it wasn't awkward at all.

I've found nothing but joy in my new brother. He's a funny, interesting, thoughtful person. Easy to talk to, easy to laugh with. We seem to intuitively understand what makes each other tick. And whatever darkness led to my father's irresponsible behavior all those many years ago, well, that has nothing to do with Jeff and me. We are simply happy to have found one another.

So it was with great celebration that my family stopped in to spend an afternoon with Jeff's family, and we became one big family together.

As I listened to the straws slurp against the bottom of empty cups, and watched his kids and mine buzz back and forth to the ice cream counter to order their desserts. Jeff and I looked at each other and smiled.

And I knew this was the just the first of many happy times I would spend with my newfound brother.

In all the lovely chaos of our visit, we totally neglected to take photos together. But here's a glimpse of my brother, Jeff, and his lovely wife, Dacia.

Courtesy of Dacia on Facebook

* * * * *

Here's the story I wrote when I first learned of Jeff's existence:

Fresh Air

* * * * *

And here, for what it's worth, is a reflection on what my dad taught me:

Father's Day Musings About A Bad Dad

* * * * *

Road Trip 2019: read all about it.

Leaving

Resting

Glacier National Park

Dakota Sunshine

Mackinac Bridge

My Newfound Brother

Fox Trilogy

Cleveland Rocks

Vermilion Legacy

At The Conservatory

Riding To Rifle

Arches National Park: Balanced Rock

Arches National Park: Double Arch

Arches National Park: Devil's Garden Trail

Arches National Park: Park Avenue

Dead Horse Point

Waiting For Breakfast

Canyonlands National Park

Cheeseburgers

Car Keys

News Trend Dear Mrs. Ivanov|Actual

Thirty-eight Douglas fir trees line the edge of my neighborhood as it borders Chennault Beach Road. Anonymously, collaboratively, mysteriously, gifts have appeared on those sturdy trunks to gaji Anna, Jake and Jordan. I may or may not have contributed the hydrangeas.

In the past month, ever since three college students were killed at a house party down the street, I've heard it said over and again: Getting the news that your child has been shot dead is every parent's worst nightmare.

But I respectfully disagree

Infinitely deeper must be the horror of learning that your child pulled the trigger.

Purple has been chosen as the color to honor the fallen victims, so my big red balls have been temporarily painted over. I find peace in lighting three candles every evening.

Please hear me say that I have great compassion for the victims, Anna, Jake, and Jordan, and their families. Their loss is devastating, senseless, tragic.

But every one of the past thirty-one mornings, when I wake up, the first person I think about is Allen Ivanov.

The shooter.

I pray for him. Deeply. Painfully. Wordlessly.

And then my heart turns to his mother.

I try to imagine what she is going through. I can't possibly know. But then again, I do.

My mother's heart understands.

I pray that she manages to get herself up out of bed to face another day of this nightmare.

I pray that she finds a way to focus her attention on whatever tasks she must be accomplish today.

I pray that she can lay down the heavy weights of grief and hopelessness, even if just for a few minutes at a time.

And I pray that the letter I wrote to her, along with the many other cards and letters that have been sent to Allen's family, bring her some small measure of comfort and remind her that she is not alone.

This is the letter that I wrote to Mrs. Ivanov.

I share it with you and ask that you consider praying with me, in the hopes of healing this mother's broken heart.

* * * * *

Dear Mrs. Ivanov,

You don't know me. Your son has never met me either. But Allen used to work for my daughter and she's told me about him.

This is quite unusual because my daughter rarely shares stories about her staff. But Allen was different. Right from the start, my daughter noticed and was remarkably impressed with his thoughtfulness, intelligence, and conscientious work ethic. Last November on Black Friday, of all the dozens of associates who worked that day, she chose Allen to be her right-hand man. Your son?S special assignment was to stay at my daughter's side and help her respond to the steady stream of emergencies and demands she faced as store manager on that insanely busy shopping day. She told me he did a fantastic job.

But more than that, my daughter enjoyed Allen?S personality. She found him to be sweetly sensitive, shy at first but eventually open and warm and funny. My daughter gives nicknames to most of her associates and because he was so gentle and kind, she decided to call him Baby. She told me that he politely protested the name, but always smiled when she used it.

Through these stories, I came to be quite fond of Allen too. I want you to know that, in spite of what has happened, my daughter's opinion of your son has not changed. My opinion of your son has not changed. We both believe the best of Allen, and while we must accept the truth of his actions, we will continue to care very much about him.

I pray deeply for Allen, for you, for all of your family.

I pray for your strength, your courage, your tenacity to weather this terrible storm.

I pray for Allen's attorneys, that they may be able to provide a context for Allen's behavior that will show the full picture of his strong character and good heart.

I pray that whatever challenges he will face in his life, Allen will meet them with the same thoughtfulness and intelligence that he has shown in the past.

I pray that Allen will be forgiven by the people he's hurt.

I pray that he will forgive himself.

I pray that always, Allen and your family will feel supported and surrounded by forgiveness and compassion, healing and love.

And I pray most of all that every day for the rest of his life, Allen will find wonderful ways to bring forgiveness and compassion, healing and love to our broken and hurting world.

* * * * *

To read more about this tragedy and the healing in its aftermath, try:

Silver Threads

Flowers, Candles, Ribbon

News Trend Reading Books That Are Blue|Actual

On Democracy by E.B.White

Apparently, crafting prize-winning and universally beloved children's literature was merely a side hustle for E.B. White. His day job saw him whipping up nuanced, passionate, and delightfully urbane political essays for The New Yorker, and boy, could White pack a punch. Written over the fifty-year span of his career from the 1920s to the 70s, our weekend farmer from Maine had plenty to say about the state of our world, the state of our minds, and whether we might figure out a way to survive ourselves. Topics range from the serious to the silly, but all explore our nation's fantastically fragile system of democracy and the glories of individual freedom.

The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker

I wish I had written this book. Simple, satisfying, and always spot on, the author stresses the importance of opening our eyes as we walk about our lives, and yes, quite simply noticing what is happening right in front of our noses. I long to read all the supporting literature he quotes, written by all the other clever people who have found a way to make a living telling other people to set down their bloody phones and simply look about. I regret that I didn't write down my own little exercises of noticing this or that as I go about my dailies, because this slender volume is full of similar suggestions and activities. But I've happily decided to lay all conflicting thoughts aside and simply enjoy this lovely little book.

I make no apology for my wildly eclectic taste in reading. These two books, for example, which I've been reading intermittently and interchangeably over the past few weeks, could not be more different from one another. The first warns that our democracy is in serious peril, and then encourages us to keep on and trust that it will all sort itself out. The second coaches us to look for security cameras and the color yellow as we go about our daily routines, and promises that such observations will affect the way we think. .

Perhaps there is a profound connection between these two ideas; a synchronicity that eludes me. I like to think that maybe there is, and someday soon my brain will light up as it finally comes clear. But for now, all I can see that connects them is that they are both small books, endearing to me as they sit quite comfortably in my hands.

And, interestingly, they are both blue.

* * * * *

Read more about what I've been reading:

Reading Afternoons

Reading Mornings

Reading Children's Books

Reading Memories

Reading Recommendations

Reading Inspiration

Reading Insights

Reading At The Pool

Reading About The Desert

Reading On Repeat

Reading Natalie Babbit

Reading The Truth

Reading Books That Are Blue

Reading Mysteries

Reading About Walking

News Trend Proud Procrastinator|Actual

"Procrastination is your body telling you you need to back off a bit

and think more about what you are doing." -James Attucher

For the past three years, a stack of stone pavers has been blocking traffic and hogging space in my skinny side yard.

Left over from a front yard patio that we ripped up and replaced in 2013, I've been meaning to get rid of these babies ever since.

Oh, I had plenty of good intentions.

List them on Craigslist.

Sell them at a garage sale.

Set them out by the side of the street on a Saturday morning and watch them fly away.

But somehow, I just never got around to it.

The timing on that task never felt quite right.

You might even say I procrastinated.

Other issues occupied my mind, such as the pesky problem of getting muddy feet each time I run out to that same side yard to hang laundry, fire up the grill, or fetch something from my potting bench. For whatever reasons, even though that stack of pavers annoyed me endlessly, something told me to wait on getting rid of them.

Last weekend, my brain suddenly grasped the obvious.

Lay the leftover pavers right there in the side yard and voila! No more muddy feet.

I mean, come on. That one was so obvious it was painful.

But thank goodness that during the three years my brain needed to work out that solution, my instincts were clever enough to keep me from acting on those bricks.

Creative solutions come in their own sweet time.

My instincts are smarter than me.

When I listen and wait, good things eventually happen.

And that is why I am proud to be a procrastinator.

^ Ranger came out to inspect my work, gave me his tail-wagging approval, and even found himself inspired to hop up into the garden and sniff around in the sunshine. From what I can tell, he rarely procrastinates.

News Trend Bringing Gracie Along|Actual

Today, my two younger daughters and I made a return trip to Gordon Skagit Farm. We visited this upscale autumn market ten days ago, and loved it so much that we decided to make a return visit. My youngest was in pursuit of a dried flower arrangement, but I was just looking to soak up more gorgeous October ambiance. I dreamed of strolling around the artful displays laden with gorgeous gourds, fabulous foliage, and pretty pink blossoms amidst the pumpkins that I find so utterly irresistible.

This time, however, we brought Gracie along.

If you have ever taken a toddler to a nice restaurant, then you have a pretty good idea how my afternoon unfolded.

To be fair, Gracie was obedient, charming, and happy to visit with humans and canines alike. In many ways, she was a model visitor to the autumn market.

However, she also:

jumped up against the wire on the chicken coop and barked with wild enthusiasm at the two feathery occupants,

attempted to leap through the metal railings at the horse paddock, whose openings were less than ten inches apart, and almost twisted her body just the right way to slip through,

marched through all the deepest mud puddles, wild waves circling out from her muddy ankles, and came thisclose to lying down in the deepest one, and

drank vigorously from the watering trough that had been charmingly repurposed as a water garden, complete with lilies and bobbing kecil-pumpkins.

Thankfully, my darling dog drew the line at leaping into the water trough, though I could see the gears turning in her head. She seriously considered diving in.

Next year, I'll definitely be heading back to Gordon Skagit Farm to stock up on wonky pumpkins, invest in some orchard-fresh apples, and drink in some October goodness. And even though I bet that she'll once again create her own special merk of chaos and uproar, I'll bring Gracie along too.

News Trend The Great Junk Hunt|Actual

Today is the first of November and I am officially feeling Christmas.

I know.

This is wildly out of character for me.

With Halloween just over, my sights should be firmly set on Thanksgiving. Let's dust off the pumpkins for another few weeks, break out the Indian corn and some Pilgrim figures, and set the sajian for this year's feast. Nowhere in my standard November schedule of events does Christmas come into play.

But tonight, three of my four daughters and I wandered through the Great Junk Hunt, holiday edition, and that's where the festive mood hit me.

^Santas galore. With a few vintage bits and bobs woven in.

^  Did you know that one of Gracie's many nicknames is Polar Bear and its derivative, Poli? She looks a quite a bit like this one, especially its quirky little grin.

The Junk Hunt, per se, is a bit of a misnomer. More of a West Coast pop-up shopping experience, dozens of vintage decor dealers, crafts people, and trinket traders set up shop for the weekend in two of the big barns at the local state fairgrounds.

^ I'm a fool for vintage ornaments on a glittery dessert stand,

^ And also for more vintage ornaments on a white tree, surrounding by baking tins.

What really drew me in to the event was the Friday evening shopping. Normally, this type of event lands on a Saturday or Sunday morning, which is not a good time for an outing in my delayed sleep phase life. But these event planners built a Friday night option into the schedule, and I wanted to thank them for their thoughtfulness by stopping by to bump up their attendance numbers.

^ There were precious few of my ever-favorite nativity scenes but this one caught my eye. Digging that brawny shepherd with the lamb tossed ever so casually over his shoulders.

^ Also intrigued by these snowmen fashioned from salt shakers, with the lids as their caps. I don't think I need a trio of salt shaker snowmen in my life, but it's nice to know they're out there if I ever change my mind.

We paid twenty dollars each for admission. I'm not necessarily impressed with a cover charge to a shopping venue, but the fee did include parking as well as complimentary cookies, fruit and bottled water. And by purchasing the tickets online, we were allowed early admission at lima:30 p.M., so we did perhaps get a jump on the crowds. Is all that worth eighty bucks for the four of us? Probably not, but it doesn't kill me to pry open my wallet and splurge now and then.

^One shop focused on wreath-like flower arrangements made from old wheels of various sorts.

^Another Santa flash mob. It fascinates me to stand and really study such a grouping; each one alone is nothing special, but clustered together like this, they create quite a charming effect.

As soon as we walked in the first barn, I noticed a long line of ladies that had rushed to one booth in particular. Fascinated, I scanned their hands to see what they were so set to purchase.

And you know what I saw?

Big bells. Oversize metal jingle bells, from eight inches in diameter to well over a foot.

White, red, or unpainted metal jingle bells hung with twine.

I can't imagine what all these shoppers wanted to do with these giants cling-clangers.But man alive, they surely were well chuffed to buy them.

^ Glittery tinsel trees do not necessarily align with my Christmas aesthetic but I have one at home. Pondering this vignette, I seriously considered adding a second.

^Another rare vintage nativity set accompanied by a star going super nova, and a twentieth century truck loaded with Christmas trees. I mean, why not.

For myself, I bought a red tartan plaid wool blanket, which has decorating potential for autumn and winter as a whole, as well great practical purpose.

I also adopted a trio of tiny vintage brass elephants, the whole herd of which can stand on my open palm. They are darling.

My eldest daughter found a replica of a Fischer Price radio that she owned and loved in her toddler days, so come Christmas morning, that will be under the tree for her. And I saw a little metal bird to be fastened to a fence post that will suit my husband's stocking just right.

^Back in the day, my mom had a modest collection of holiday candle figures, much like these. Never meant to be actually burned but scattered here and there for maximum festive impact, these look-alike little wax dolls fill me with nostalgia but also kinda creep me out.

 ^ Two-dimensional rusted metal cut outs grounded in an open frame, while not necessarily Christmasy, stir up all the right rustic and cozy holiday vibes.

I'm glad I went to the Great Junk Hunt tonight. Undeniably, I feel a bit unsettled thinking about Christmas while fresh jack-o-lanterns still sit on my front porch. But I feel energized to jump into a few yuletide craft projects and add here and there to my secret stash of gifts.

^ No but that string of shiny brown pine cone-shaped ornaments tied onto twine was everything, and I plan to find a way to recreate it with my own two low-cost hands.

And just to remind me to live in the moment and take each holiday in its own turn, my favorite shop of the entire evening turned out to be the one focused on - you guessed it - Thanksgiving.

News Trend Fox Trilogy|Actual

"I often have deer on my property and there's a fox and owls. You're not going to see that in the city." -Billy Corgan

"Ha." - Columbus, Ohio

Somewhere around three thousand miles into our road trip, the happy day finally arrived that we rolled into Columbus, Ohio, burst into the door of my second-born's apartment, and settled in for a week-long visit.

Now there were a few days when she needed to work, and a brief jaunt over the weekend to Cleveland. More about that later.

But for three glorious mornings, we enjoyed marvelous mid-morning sleep-ins, and then headed out about town for breakfast and a bit of shopping. Early on, my daughter pointed out that her favorite coffee shop, Fox In the Snow, now has three locations. So why not visit a different location each day?

Why not, indeed. So here I present various and sundry scenes of our three mornings in Columbus.

^ The first Fox we visited was in New Albany, an idyllic planned community to the northeast of Columbus proper and just a hop, skip and a jump from my daughter's office. Colonial charm is the name of the game, with heaps of summer sunshine to spare.

^ The interior features more predictable urban industrial charm, peppered with plants and rustic finishes. Eye candy all around.

^ I do not drink coffee, which is a ruddy shame when it's served up like these lovelies. I settled on a ham and cheese baguette with a side of Mexican Coke, and considered that the perfect start to my day.

^ Our errands on Day One took us here and there to various nurseries, so my daughter could track down a couple houseplants she was hoping to add to her collection. We got a bit sidetracked by this gorgeous wave of pumpkins, which were not on the to-do list but otherwise irresistible.

^ Day Two saw us under drizzly skies in German Village, a Columbus neighborhood just south of downtown. Saturday morning saw the shop full of coffee daters and post-yoga snackers as well as our lot.

^ Isn't that as pretty a berry bowl as you've ever seen?

^ My family continued to experiment through the pastry menu but I stayed true to my savory roots and chowed down on the Fox's iconic egg sandwich. I devoured every crumb.

^ Just a door or two down the street from Fox is another favorite Columbus destination: Stump. A plant lover's nirvana, every nook and cranny of this tastefully renovated home-turned-business is filled with carefully curated stands of hand-thrown pottery and plants galore.

^ I struggled to capture the magic that is Stump. Each vignette blends into the next, which is more than the camera can take in, and the overall effect is straight intoxicating. We spent a ridiculous amount of time wandering back and forth, just soaking up the ambiance.

^ Even the staff''s work area is adorable. The clusters of thirsty specimens, the black matte faucet, even the grey under-sink curtain scream with charm and style.

^  Walking back to the car, we passed several blocks through a reinvigorated city neighborhood that sang with character and charisma. I would not be mad about living here.

^ But who's this friendly face racing toward me down the sidewalk? My husband took my dog round the park while my daughters and I shopped for plants, and Gracie was breathless to see me again.

^ For In The Snow, Day Three, got me grumpy from the get-go. Unquestionably my favorite of the three Foxes, I eagerly anticipated snapping a few choice shots of this exterior. Though the other two locations are new construction, albeit designed to look old, this third shop in Italian Village near the Short North is the real thing. Built, I believe, in an old mechanic's shop, the oversize windows and rattly old garage doors are to die for. But to my frustration, a young man was sitting on the bench out front, his laptop open, his Bluetooth device firmly planted in his ear as he paced back and forth, ranting in earnest to whoever was listening on the other end. There was no shooting around him, and apparently, there was no staring him down. Thank goodness I've visited this shop before and already took a round of gorgeous photos.

^ Though they are quite simply by patisserie standards, I love the colors and textures of the pastries on display.

^ Oh, here's a good look at that ham and cheese baguette I ate on Day One. Each of the three shops has the same hidangan, which makes decisions all that much easier.

^ Once again, my husband went for the blueberries and I got a pretty picture before he ate them.

^ And here's my egg sandwich redux sitting with someone else's latte. My Mexican coke is sitting just out of frame.

* * * * *

After breakfast, we drove on a few blocks to the second Stump shop, and saturated our souls with more gem-like houseplants in hand-thrown pottery and styled to perfection in a refurbished old house. And so, with complete and utter satisfaction, we concluded our lovely trio of Fox In The Snow adventures.

* * * * *

Road Trip 2019: read all about it.

Leaving

Resting

Glacier National Park

Dakota Sunshine

Mackinac Bridge

My Newfound Brother

Fox Trilogy

Cleveland Rocks

Vermilion Legacy

At The Conservatory

Riding To Rifle

Arches National Park: Balanced Rock

Arches National Park: Double Arch

Arches National Park: Devil's Garden Trail

Arches National Park: Park Avenue

Dead Horse Point

Waiting For Breakfast

Canyonlands National Park

Cheeseburgers

Car Keys